Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain [fleeting] life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…

Ecclesiastes 9:9-10a, ESV

Again, in order to understand the challenge good dads and moms have to be physically present and emotionally present, we need to understand the massive shift in how the Industrial Revolution affected work and a family-supporting wage. In fact, many dads and moms today look to retirement feeling that they have worked too hard, for too little, for too long. I am convinced that many couples miss out on much joy that could be theirs if they didn’t miss the forest for the trees. Nancy Pearcy, in her book Total Truth, helps us see the forest in terms of the economic and structural changes that took place during the Industrial Revolution. She helps us understand what changed and why so many dads and moms struggle to care for their families and make ends meet. It is not just about gas prices, the housing crises of 2008–2009, the sin of materialism, living where you live, etc. Yes, these are real trees that have affected some, but they are not the forest.  And—sorry, to those who teach otherwise—it goes back a lot farther than the 1950s with stay-at-home moms and Leave it to Breaver. Pearcy helps us see the forest, the long-lasting effects of the Industrial Revolution:

We . . . need to understand enough of modern thought to identify the ways it blocks us from living out the gospel the way God intends—both in terms of intellectual roadblocks and . . . in terms of economic and structural changes that make it harder to live by scriptural principles. It is enormously difficult for fathers in a modern industrialized society to function in the strong parental role Scripture calls them to—and as they did in earlier historical periods. It is likewise difficult for mothers to raise their children well, and still be faithful in honing their other gifts in a . . . calling.

Historically speaking, the key turning point was the Industrial Revolution, which eventually divided the private realm of family and faith from the public realm of business and industry. To grasp these changes more clearly, let’s start by painting a picture of life before the Industrial Revolution.

In the colonial period, families lived much the way they have lived for millennia in traditional societies. The vast majority of people lived on farms or in peasant villages. Productive work was done in the home or in the outbuildings. Work was done not by lone individuals but by families or households. A family was a relatively autonomous unit, often including members of extended family, apprentices, servants, and hired hands. Stores, offices, and workshops were located in a front room, with living quarters either upstairs or in the rear.

It meant that the husband and wife worked side by side on a daily basis, sharing in the economic enterprise. For a colonial woman, one historian writes, marriage “meant to become co-worker beside a husband . . . learning new skills in butchering, silversmith work, printing, or upholstering—whatever special skills the husband’s work required.

In their day-to-day life, fathers enjoyed the same integration of work and childrearing responsibilities that mothers did. With production centered on the family hearth, fathers were a “viable presence, year after year, day after day” as they trained their children to work alongside them. Being a father was not a separate activity to come home to after a day at work; rather it was an integral part of a man’s daily routine. Historical records reveal that colonial literature on parenting—like sermons and child-rearing manuals—were not addressed to mothers, as the majority are today. Instead, they were typically addressed to fathers. Fathers were considered the primary parent, and were held to be particularly important in their children’s religious and intellectual training.

Nancy Pearcy, Total Truth: Liberating Christianity from Its Cultural Captivity (Wheaton, IL: Crossways, 2005), 327–329.

Thus, until the Industrial Revolution, most husbands and wives worked “side by side,” and fathers held a “primary” parenting role. These are critical points for churches and families to grasp. The cultural stereotypes of dad as breadwinner or provider and mom as nurturer (again, think Leave it to Beaver) go back to 1760, not 1950. Further, these are cultural roles related to changes that took dad out of the home. They are not biblical roles. Even in the ancient Near East, the Proverbs 31 woman participated in bread-winning and providing financially for her family (Prov 31:11a, 16, 24, 31b). Added to this, dads were nurturers, involved daily in connecting heart to heart with their children (Deut 6:4–9). Yes, it is true that biologically, women on average are more nurturing than men, and men are on average 50% stronger physically than women. Physiology is and will continue to be a factor in how parenting roles play out. Nonetheless, we no longer live in an agrarian society where physical strength is the most important quality for getting work. Now proficiency with technology, diversity in the work place, and emotional intelligence are in greater demand, opening up more opportunities for women than men.

Additionally, there are far fewer jobs with family-supporting wages. Survival that includes attention to family health and growth requires two incomes for most, or some creative juggling of several jobs. Many times the lesser paying job carries crucial benefits like insurance. These are the realities of the times we live and the existence in which God has placed us. In view of this, many moms and dads need to climb out of the repressive swamp of fundamentalism with renewed and more accurate biblical and historical perspective. Further, they need to stop longing for the past, feeling guilty if mom works, and instead enjoy once again working together to the glory of God. If raising children on only one income works for you that is great. The heart cry of this series, however, is to bring clarity and freedom to many moms and dads who carry false guilt or have allowed themselves to be affected by the judgment of others.