“Loves first act is to listen.”
Theologian Paul Tillich
In considering the story of Mary sitting at Jesus’ feet in Luke 10:38-42, our first of three points is that Mary listened.
This might seem like something too simple to mention, but, honestly, given the racial and political division we’ve seen over the past year, I can’t think of anything more important—barring the gospel—for the Church to emphasize and model going into 2021 than how to better listen to each other.
Listening is rudimentary to being a good human; it’s one of the most fundamental forms of respect. Further, it’s a basic signifier of our humility. And our wisdom: Proverbs tells us it’s only the fool that utters all his mind (29:11, KJV) and “He that answers a matter before listening it is a folly and shame to him” (18:13).
This foundational loss—humans created in the image of God, listening to one another—was a primary contributor to my own bustling heart (see Part 1) in early October of last year. It was at this time that my anxious state about our country’s polarization and lack of shared truth sources became most acute.
We had just finished meeting as a core group for our church plant, and had sat down to watch the first presidential debate. By the end, I was so disheartened. For those of you who watched—whoever you voted or didn’t vote for—you’ll remember well that there was little communication—only constant interruptions. In fact, it got so bad that the seasoned moderator, Chris Wallace, couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Again, whatever side you were on, it was definitely a new low for our country.
Shortly after the debate, I shared a piece on my blog called “The Art of Conversation” from one of my favorite ministries: Axis. Here’s an excerpt:
“David Augsburger once wrote, ‘Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.’ Although clearly the primary goal on Tuesday wasn’t for Trump and Biden to help each other feel loved, their exchange reminded us why we believe so strongly in the importance of conversation…”
We can learn a lot about this kind of conversation, as well as fostering friendships that transcend polarization from the late Supreme Court Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia.
Andrew MacDonald, Associate Director of the Wheaton College, Billy Graham Center Institute recently shared a story about their relationship:
“Revered by liberals, Ginsburg was the ideological opposite of Scalia in nearly every respect. Despite these differences, the two were ‘the best of friends,’ dating back to their time on the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit…
When asked how they were able to maintain a friendship despite profound differences, Ginsburg answered:
“We know that even though we have sharp disagreements on what the Constitution means, we have a trust. We revere the Constitution and the Court, and we want to make sure that when we leave it, it will be in as good a shape as it was when we joined the Court.”
[Some have noted that unlike the friendship that Ginsberg and Scalia modeled, we are] “saturated with polarization, tribalism, power, and selfishness, we are habituated to believe the lie that the highest good is to win.”Scalia’s son recently tweeted a story about how his father would buy roses for Ginsburg for her birthday. Seeing him with the roses, Judge Jeffrey Sutton once asked, ‘So what good have all these roses done for you? Name one five-four case of any significance where you got Justice Ginsburg’s vote.’
Scalia replied, ‘Some things are more important than votes.’”[1]
Writing two weeks ago in Religion News, Todd Deatherage agrees. In an article titled, “Peacemaking is the Essential Work of Our Time,” he writes:
“We could meet the challenge of polarization by learning to listen better. Theologian Paul Tillich said, ‘Love’s first act is to listen.’ We could practice this kind of listening around our own dinner tables with our family and neighbors. Making space for those we disagree with to explain themselves and tell their story doesn’t necessarily solve the issues between us, but listening to understand humanizes our adversaries, makes them feel heard and opens space in which we might begin to identify the core of those divisions. It can even help us find potential common ground.”[2]
That’s one of the things I’ve loved most about the television show Blue Bloods. In every episode, the multi-generational family of cops, the Reagans, gather weekly for their not-to-be-missed Sunday dinner. As they converse, touching on the hot topics of our day, they often disagree strongly. In the end, however, they still come out loving and respecting one another. In this, the show models something we’ve largely lost– civil discourse– and also reminds us of an important truth: Loving, respectful conversations take time, require trust, and begin, in the best scenarios, in our homes.
*Note: The picture above is a golden- goodie, blast-from-the-past of good friend, Roland Warren, and I engaged in deep listening conversation at a church picnic sponsored by Hope Community Church in Willow Grove, PA, where I pastored from 1998-2004.
[1] https://www.christianitytoday.com/edstetzer/2020/september/some-thing-more-friendship-of-ginsburg-scalia.html
[2] https://religionnews.com/2020/12/15/peacemaking-is-the-essential-work-of-our-time/?utm_campaign=The%20Culture%20Translator%20Premium&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=103420159&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-9ECd9N0q5SMZ7f93emECGFkUyaZ9BGvbhJowwnwZRRSAXu72GkmGwta3_dUjHrEMFfpvK-55FdpRpTV8tKbgRltlaYfw&utm_content=103420159&utm_source=hs_email