One of the purposes of this blog is to promote honesty and “constructive conversations” in your sphere of influence. With that in mind, and reflecting on the first Presidential debate, I thought I’d share a section on “The Art of Conversation” from a subscription-only list-serve I’m on. It’s a very practical piece from one of my favorite ministries, Axis, that will help us all better connect with those with whom we differ, as well as the next generation:
“David Augsburger once wrote, ‘Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable.’ Although clearly the primary goal on Tuesday wasn’t for Trump and Biden to help each other feel loved, their exchange reminded us why we believe so strongly in the importance of conversation…
At Axis, we believe that discipleship happens where conversation happens. Part of why is because when others want to understand our point of view, our defenses usually go down, and we’re more willing to listen to their point of view. This is just as true with Gen Z as it is with anyone else. As Drs. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen point out in their book Difficult Conversations, ‘Changes in attitudes and behavior rarely come about because of arguments, facts, and attempts to persuade. How often do you change your values and beliefs—or whom you love or what you want in life—based on something someone tells you? And how likely are you to do so when the person who is trying to change you doesn’t seem to be aware of the reasons you see things differently in the first place?’
Whereas interruption communicates that we care about our own viewpoint more than the other’s, listening communicates that we care for them, and that their perspective matters to us. Christians on both sides of the political aisle should be able to agree with this. And as Dr. Sherry Turkle puts it, “When adults listen during conversations, they show children how listening works. In family conversation, children learn that it is comforting and pleasurable to be heard and understood. Family conversation is where children first learn to see other people as different from themselves and worthy of understanding.’
We encourage you to lean into listening even more [during this election cycle]… If your teens paid any attention to the debate itself, ask them their thoughts—and of course, which meme from the night was their favorite (FYI, a couple contain mild language). The love of God initiates, and as parents and caring adults, we have the opportunity to model this love by listening first. Maybe in the process, our teens will catch the vision too.” [1]
[1] Axis’ the Culture Translator Premium, Vol. 6, Issue 40 | October 2, 2020 Want this email forwarded to you? Sign up here!