***Last week (Part 1) we made the “awareness” case. This week (Part 2) and next (Part 3) we get more practical, sharing the remaining nine of ten essentials for reaching those who’ve been hurt or disillusioned by the Church. For a full version of this article see here.
2) Empathy: It’s at this point that we, as believers, have a choice. We can either be defensive and ignore these brutal facts, or we can acknowledge them, empathize where possible, and use them as a bridge. For example, here’s how I do that in the introduction of my book:
“…the church can be a mess and—worse—a real source of misery. I know. I’ve witnessed it. There are tons of hypocrites and even dangerous wolves in sheep’s clothing. Lots of folks that are afraid of mainstream science and of learning from “secular” people. It often amazes me that those who read and study the least often have the strongest opinions about the questions that trouble us most. And then there are the emotionally unhealthy whack-jobs, charismaniacs, prudish “church ladies,” and end-times crazies, because, as N.T. Wright has observed, with religion “there is always the danger of fanaticism, of a self-induced and self-promoting ‘zeal’.”[1]
It’s only after this honest acknowledgment that I try to introduce and offer myself as a caring and credible guide:
“If you’re a skeptic or a seeker, or even if you don’t believe in God, I hope you’ll feel respected as you read this book. And I hope that what follows will challenge, surprise, and inspire you with love and meaning… I pray that this story of spirituality wrongly understood and pursued will give you—and all those you love—a trusted path to the former and discernment to avoid the latter.”
3) Care: In reflecting on the man who eventually led him to Christ, Saint Augustine in his Confessions wrote this about Saint Ambrose: “I came to love him, not at first as a teacher of truth, which I had utterly despaired of finding in Your Church, but for his kindness to me.”[2] His words are a powerful reminder that not a lot has changed in 1,600 years: 1) There was a “…Despite the Church” factor even Augustine’s day and 2) People don’t care what you know until they know you care.
In the world of pregnancy center ministry, for example, we know well that an unplanned pregnancy provides a unique and often life-changing listening post in someone’s life. As a woman or man finds himself or herself hitched to their particular “crisis” (especially in the midst of a global pandemic!), they reach out in fear, anger, or despair and we have the opportunity to listen deeply, offer Hope, and point to realistic options and alternatives. Thank God for that!
4) Listening: One of my favorite Proverbs is “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.” (18:13, NIV) On a related note, I recently heard clinical psychologist Dr. Diane Langberg, who has spent much of her life studying trauma and helping the church position itself as a healing community, say that much of effective therapy can be boiled down to a combination of “talking, tears, and time.” This is wonderful encouragement, because as agents of God’s presence and peace, we can facilitate healing conversations just by asking good questions and listening with patience and empathy.
5) Discernment: Indeed, we grieve for those who’ve fallen off the cliff of life and are in bad sorts, resulting from some unique cocktail of wounds, circumstances beyond their control, personal choices, and/or the chains of some addiction. We’re asking God to give us discernment—again, to ask good questions and point to the right things. For some the barriers are intellectual. For others, they’re reasons of the heart. Often, when trauma and religious abuse are involved, there is deep shame or a root of bitterness (Heb. 12:15) where Satan has gained a foothold (Eph. 4:27) and is actively in the process of scattering potential and legacy to the wind.
6) Prayer: This scattering of potential to the wind is what the Bible calls “sifting like wheat.” And what is the remedy? Jesus says to Peter, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you… (Luke 22:31-32, NLT).” We can’t forget that “the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” It is not our strategic plan or power that can save… it’s not even our faith or prayers, but the powerful God they’re directed to.
[1] N.T. Wright, Lent for Everyone: Mark, Year B (Louisville: Westminster John Knox Press, 2012) 35.
[2] Augustine, Confessions, Second Edition translated by F.J. Sheed (Indianapolis, IN: Hackett Publishing Co., Inc., 2006), 90.