Dads who come out of their caves learn to care about their communities. They are like the dad connected to the virtuous woman in Prov. 31: “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (23, ESV). To sit by the city gates was to sit among the civic leaders: listening, discussing problems, and making decisions that impacted the community. Good dads care about people and influencing the world—especially that small world of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. They learn, read, and work with others, not just for personal enrichment and enjoyment but also because they genuinely love others. Further, they show that love by their actions, not just their words.
It has been my conviction over the years that cultivating a love for reading in our families will help our kids be strong and interesting people who others look to for leadership. This is why in September 2009 I wrote this letter to my kids on “Why Reading is So Important:”
“Dear Emily, Matt, and Tim,
I know it may seem that I harp on you more often than you would like about not reading enough—watching too much TV or spending hours playing video games. I also know you sometimes roll your eyes (or are tempted to!) and seek to avoid that predictable question: “What have you been reading lately?” I have told you before that my heart is not to shame you or make you feel uncomfortable. It is also not to reinforce stereotypes I sometimes deserve of being too rigid, not able to relax, or sounding like a broken record. I am learning to “chill-lax” more—a word I learned from your friends—but there are important reasons why I want you to learn to love reading:
- Reading quiets your heart and stills your soul. We live in a busy, crazy world. Much of the stress and demands on our time we have little control over. If you can get into a habit of daily or weekly non-homework reading, you will find your mind gets clearer and your soul re-centered. Find a quiet place. Stop texting for a bit—turn off your cell phone and read something you are interested in and enjoy. Read fun stuff like the Harry Potter series, the Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew, Sherlock Holmes, etc. These books (and other books like them) take you on fascinating journeys and help you relax. Again, set aside time each day or week. You know your schedule best.
- Reading will help you be a strong person who others look to for leadership. Reading will help you be a better conversationalist, counselor, and writer. While it is true that not every reader is a leader, every leader is a reader. Reading keeps your mind sharp. It expands your world and thinking. It makes you feel smarter and grows your imagination. It makes you a person of breadth—someone who is balanced, well-rounded, curious, culturally-literate, intelligent, interesting, and wise—all qualities that make you a better person, friend, leader, and citizen of our great country.
- Reading can help you be humbler. Pride, arrogance, and snobbery are some of the most unattractive qualities one can have. Few things are more sickening, however, than when pride is combined with ignorance and apathy. “I’m ignorant and proud of it!” Or, “I’m ignorant and don’t give a rat’s rip.” These attitudes almost always go with a distaste for reading and a love of TV. Read fun stuff and fiction, but also read non-fiction. Reading great books—classics and those that have had staying power (e.g. have been around for more than thirty years)—will help you learn that the times you are living in are not the most important times. Anything older than you may seem lame, but the truth is that you are standing on the shoulders of thousands of great men and women who have gone before you. You get to know these folks primarily through books. Don’t be guilty of what the great writer, C.S. Lewis, called “chronological snobbery”—that is, thinking that the times and culture you live in are the most important.
In closing, here is a quote I came across recently that speaks well to the points above: “Books enlarge us by giving direct access to experiences not our own. In order for this to work, however, we need a certain type of silence, an ability to filter out the noise. Such a state is increasingly elusive in our over-networked culture, in which every rumor and mundanity is blogged and tweeted. Today, it seems it is not contemplation we seek but an odd sort of distraction masquerading as being in the know. Why? Because of the illusion that illumination is based on speed, that it is more important to react than to think, that we live in a culture in which something is attached to every bit of time.”[1]
I love you all very much and pray that you will be men, Tim and Matt, and a woman, Emily, of great character, humility, and serenity who lead and serve—people whose lives are strong enough to enrich others, due in part because you learned to love reading.
Dad”
Since that time, I’ve seen the need to add these two clarifications and corrections to what I wrote above:
- The ultimate goal is not reading itself but growing individuals who can explain what they’ve learned. Most of us take our ability to read for granted; however, “only 12% of the people in the world could read and write in 1820.”[2] And the percentage was far lower for most of history. Understanding that fact and this verse have helped correct my reductionistic thinking: “We have much to say about this, but it is hard to make it clear to you because you no longer try to understand. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”[3] The ability to explain what one has learned is implied in the phrase “by this time you ought to be teachers.” In other words, it is the ability to explain that is key here, not the mastery of some study Bible or even the ability to read. This is really important as—if you don’t understand it—you risk shaming some who, although they may desire to learn and grow, don’t enjoy reading as much as others.
- Audiobooks, video talks, and great podcasts are often better options for busy people or more oral learners. In fact, given the rapidity of change in our world, some podcasts often offer a fresher, more timely perspective on certain topics. A book may effectively freeze a thought on a page but sometimes the conversation is too important to wait for the ice to form. This is part of living in the real world—outside our caves—where often we have to build the plane while flying it!
[1] Los Angeles Times book reviewer David L. Ulin [latimes.com, 8/9/09].
[2] https://ourworldindata.org/literacy .
[3] Hebrews 5:11-14, NIV.