Giving Moms the Honor They Deserve

As I [Paul] remember your [Timothy’s] tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother, Lois, and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. (2 Timothy 1:5, ESV)

I’ve spent a good part of my career championing fathers and disseminating research that shows dad’s primary spiritual influence even over moms. The verse above along with a recent major study by Pew Research Center, however, are important reminders to not undervalue mom’s primary spiritual influence.

In various contexts over the last fifteen years, I presented a 1994 study from Sweden that showed in a nutshell that “if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper.”[1]

In analyzing this same 1994 data, Vicar Robbie Low noted in 2003 that:

“A mother’s role… is not primary to her adult offspring’s decision [to attend or remain committed to church].” He further noted that “mothers’ choices have dramatically less effect upon children than their fathers’, and without him she has little effect on the primary lifestyle choices her offspring make in their religious observances.”[2]

Fast forward twenty years to the Pew study focused on the US, not Sweden, and we see a very different scenario:

“Most Americans who were raised by a biological or adoptive mother and father say their parents played an equal role in their religious upbringing. But among the roughly four-in-ten adults who say one of their parents (either biological or adoptive) was ‘more’ responsible for their religious upbringing, far more name their mother than their father.”[3]

Christianity Today, in further analyzing this data, notes:

“The higher level of religious commitment among women than men has been well documented; in Pew’s study, 83 percent of those with affiliated/unaffiliated parents reported that their mother was the religious one. And both men (30%) and women (33%) told Pew that the wife was more religious than her husband. (About 60% said the spouses were equally religious.)  Mothers mostly take the lead in their children’s religious upbringing. Among Protestant couples, 66 percent took equal responsibility for their children’s religious education. Another 28 percent said their mother was more responsible, and only 5 percent said their father was more responsible. The same held true for Catholic and unaffiliated couples: most said their parents shared responsibility (64% Catholic, 58% unaffiliated); where one took on more responsibility, it was overwhelmingly the mother (29% Catholic, 12% unaffiliated).”[4]

Truth be told, the verse above and the recent Pew study reflect the experience of millions: When it comes to passing on the faith, more often than not, moms have had greater influence than dads.

We see this even in the earliest centuries of the church. Monica, the mother of Augustine, is perfect example: For over thirty years, she prayed for Augustine, who is one of the most significant Christian writers and pastors in the history of the Church. In his Confessions (c. AD 400), Augustine himself famously quotes a North African pastor, who, when Monica came to him weeping over her son’s need for salvation, promised her that “The son of these tears shall not perish.” My own son, Timothy, who holds a master’s degree in theology from an Augustinian university, notes that:
“Augustine implies a double meaning here: on the one hand, here is a pastor who’s trying to get a woman to quit crying. It’s as if he’s saying, ‘Lady, your kid is probably going to be fine if you’re getting this worked up about him.” On the other hand, Augustine is implying that his mother’s tears and prayers were both a means and sign of God’s grace. By fretting over his salvation and praying for him, she became an instrument of God’s salvation. Augustine wrote the following about his mother:
‘All that time this chaste, god-fearing and sober widow—for such You [God] love—was all the more cheered up with hope. Yet she did not relax her weeping and mourning. She did not cease to pray at every hour and bewail me to You, and her prayers found entry into Your sight. But for all that you allowed me still to toss helplessly in that darkness’.[5]
That’s an episode from when Augustine is 17 or 18. He didn’t decide to be baptized until he was 32. Even though his dad didn’t become Christian until much later in his life, Augustine’s mom was a Christian, and he was brought up ‘in a Christian home,’ as it were. Moreover, Roman North Africa during Augustine’s upbringing was, in a lot of ways, like the Arkansas of the Bible Belt of the Roman Empire. So the problem wasn’t that he didn’t know the Gospel. The problem was that he was deliberately running from it. But Monica wept and prayed for him all the while.”

Takeaways:

  • Notice there are tears in Paul and Timothy’s faith story as well as Monica and Augustine’s. This reflects a deep love and heart-to-heart connection. If you have shed tears for your children, be encouraged. Your experience is shared by the greatest of saints.
  • Pray regularly for your kids and grandkids. Love them and never give up. Only God knows the key to someone’s heart.
  • Have you thanked your parent(s) or grandparent(s) recently for their spiritual influence? For example, in my case, given my dad’s rejection of the Christian faith, my mom (the elegant lady above) is my only living parental spiritual influence. What we share in Christ is precious, and I honor her positive impact and ongoing presence in my life and family!

 

 

[1] https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justin-taylor/a-fathers-role-in-his-children-going-to-church-when-they-are-adults/

[2] http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=16-05-024-v

[3] http://www.pewforum.org/2016/10/26/one-in-five-u-s-adults-were-raised-in-interfaith-homes/

[4] https://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2016/october/protestant-parents-kids-keep-faith-catholics-nones-pew.html

[5] (III.12.21, pg. 50)