As I [Paul] remember your [Timothy’s] tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother, Lois, and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. (2 Timothy 1:5, ESV)
I’ve spent a good part of my career championing fathers and disseminating research that shows dad’s primary spiritual influence even over moms. The verse above along with a recent major study by Pew Research Center, however, are important reminders to not undervalue mom’s primary spiritual influence.
In various contexts over the last fifteen years, I presented a 1994 study from Sweden that showed in a nutshell that “if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper.”[1]
In analyzing this same 1994 data, Vicar Robbie Low noted in 2003 that:
“A mother’s role… is not primary to her adult offspring’s decision [to attend or remain committed to church].” He further noted that “mothers’ choices have dramatically less effect upon children than their fathers’, and without him she has little effect on the primary lifestyle choices her offspring make in their religious observances.”[2]
Fast forward twenty years to the Pew study focused on the US, not Sweden, and we see a very different scenario:
“Most Americans who were raised by a biological or adoptive mother and father say their parents played an equal role in their religious upbringing. But among the roughly four-in-ten adults who say one of their parents (either biological or adoptive) was ‘more’ responsible for their religious upbringing, far more name their mother than their father.”[3]
Christianity Today, in further analyzing this data, notes:
“The higher level of religious commitment among women than men has been well documented; in Pew’s study, 83 percent of those with affiliated/unaffiliated parents reported that their mother was the religious one. And both men (30%) and women (33%) told Pew that the wife was more religious than her husband. (About 60% said the spouses were equally religious.) Mothers mostly take the lead in their children’s religious upbringing. Among Protestant couples, 66 percent took equal responsibility for their children’s religious education. Another 28 percent said their mother was more responsible, and only 5 percent said their father was more responsible. The same held true for Catholic and unaffiliated couples: most said their parents shared responsibility (64% Catholic, 58% unaffiliated); where one took on more responsibility, it was overwhelmingly the mother (29% Catholic, 12% unaffiliated).”[4]
Truth be told, the verse above and the recent Pew study reflect the experience of millions: When it comes to passing on the faith, more often than not, moms have had greater influence than dads.
Takeaways:
- Notice there are tears in Paul and Timothy’s faith story as well as Monica and Augustine’s. This reflects a deep love and heart-to-heart connection. If you have shed tears for your children, be encouraged. Your experience is shared by the greatest of saints.
- Pray regularly for your kids and grandkids. Love them and never give up. Only God knows the key to someone’s heart.
- Have you thanked your parent(s) or grandparent(s) recently for their spiritual influence? For example, in my case, given my dad’s rejection of the Christian faith, my mom (the elegant lady above) is my only living parental spiritual influence. What we share in Christ is precious, and I honor her positive impact and ongoing presence in my life and family!
[1] https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/justin-taylor/a-fathers-role-in-his-children-going-to-church-when-they-are-adults/
[2] http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=16-05-024-v
[3] http://www.pewforum.org/2016/10/26/one-in-five-u-s-adults-were-raised-in-interfaith-homes/
[4] https://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2016/october/protestant-parents-kids-keep-faith-catholics-nones-pew.html
[5] (III.12.21, pg. 50)