For Those Who Struggle with Depression

…O LORD my Lord. Act on my behalf for your name’s sake; because your steadfast love is good, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is pierced within me. I am gone like a shadow at evening… (Psa. 109:21-23a, NRSV)

A nothingness permeates my soul. My smile is forced and hollow. I can say nothing, write nothing, and do nothing. Why? Because I’ve got nothing.

No spark. No energy. No fire from above.

It’s a tough place to be in. Life continues with its many demands. Relationships that you need to engage in but you can’t shake your mood. You wish there was some temporary “cease to exist” button so that you wouldn’t negatively impact those around you. You find it difficult to muster strength for basic tasks. It’s hard to enjoy anything and everything feels mediocre.

Sometimes taking a nap or waking up to a different day makes all the difference in the world. But sometimes sleep or the passage of time can’t touch the deep soul-weariness. I’m no stranger to depression and I know some of you, my readers or those you love, aren’t either.

Here’s how two friends recently described their experience:

  • “Struggling to see past the mess in the house and know it doesn’t define me as a lazy, chronic pain sufferer who couldn’t get off the couch yet another day to pick up after her family. Struggling to fight through another day with a migraine headache, my constant companions these 34 years. Struggling to not feel defeated by another day of feeling like a failure as a mother in addition to all of this. And struggling not to believe the hateful things said about me by people who don’t know me on the internet.”
  • “The weather is REALLY sucking it out of me… It’s been overcast for two weeks!!!!I feel SSOOOOO calloused. So hardened. Like my whole being is resisting being ok. Or accepting grace. Or accepting anything good about myself. I can’t soften.”

Sometimes I’ve found that music helps. Every year I make a playlist in iTunes to commemorate and remember 365 days in the life of Greg and the Austen family. My tastes are eclectic. I listen to everything from Mozart to Radiohead, from Enya to Led Zeppelin. Songs of struggle, love, wisdom, worship, beauty—all kinds of things including energy. In fact, recently I wished that I could somehow find a way to inject the power of ACDC’s “Back in Black” or “Thunderstruck” intravenously. 🙂

But life doesn’t work that way. Few things on the outside have the power to bleed themselves in. Sometimes only God can act on our behalf and deliver us.

Here are four things that helped me recently:

  • Seeing the plight of others. From the all-too-real case of Anthony Bourdain to [spoiler alert!] the fictitious Jackson Maine in Bradley Cooper’s remake of A Star is Born, the pain associated with addictions and mental illness is getting national attention. A fellow church member’s son takes his life. A young pastor does the same, leaving behind his beautiful wife, Kayla Stoecklein, and their adorable boys. In the midst of hurt I can’t fathom, she posted this:

“If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or actions, please tell someone. Please make sure you’re not alone, and please call a friend or family member before you make that irreversible decision. You are loved and valued more than you know![1]

  • Reaching out to trusted friends who suffer: One friend said, “It’s a struggle for many. Me included. With you in this!” Another friend was actually at her therapist’s office getting her meds adjusted when I texted her to ask how she was and to request prayer. Despite her state of mind, we both laughed about the timing of my text! She then gave me the non-Sunday School version of her week from hell and later sent this encouraging song.
  • Taking responsibility for how my depression affects others: One of my colleague’s recently shared a devotion with this helpful thought:

“I have been asked quite a few times how my life is working for me. It’s a fair question, I suppose. More than just small talk, what my friends really want to know is how things are going for me. I think a better question is, How is your life working for the people around you? Because if our lives aren’t working for the people around us, our lives aren’t working for us.”[2]

Persistence isn’t very glamorous.  If genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration, then as a culture we tend to lionize the one percent.  We love its flash and dazzle.  But great power lies in the other ninety-nine percent.  “It’s not that I’m smart,” said Einstein.  “It’s that I stay with problems longer.”[3]

This is fine as far as it goes but as the late Keith Green sang, “Nothing lasts except the grace of God by which I stand in Jesus.” That’s why I added 1 Cor. 15:58 and the qualifier “in Christ” to the point above because in and of itself quiet persistency doesn’t always pay off. The Apostle Paul, however, gives this reminder to those “in Christ”:

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Whether you struggle with some form of depression or not, my hope is that you look to God in faith, reach out, and that he touches you with a joy and fire only he can bring!

 

 

[1] https://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2018/august/california-church-shocked-after-pastor-commits-suicide

[2] Bob Goff, Everybody Always, 159.

[3] Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, p.169.