January marks my sixth year at Care Net and our Church Engagement team is now in the process of revisioning our strategy for a new season. In synch with this, I’ve been thinking a lot about the church’s role in championing the forgiveness of sins. The below—something sent to me personally about a year ago—is one of the heaviest emails I’ve received to date. It’s helped me better understand the severe pain, grief, and despair that many post-abortive women and men carry.
To protect anonymity, I’ve changed names and removed a few details, but otherwise, it’s authentic.
Mr. Austen,
I’m very excited about the new Making Life Disciples program and have my story of abortion and how God healed me… I had two abortions after my first child was born. I got married and conceived again. At 20 weeks I went into premature labor. They tried bedrest at home, but I ended up spending my pregnancy in the hospital. I had my son at 32 weeks. He was healthy. I was unable to really bond with either of my children. I know now it was because of the abortions. Anyway, my ex-husband divorced me and took the kids. I didn’t put up a fight. Sometime after, I went into a deep depression, and I didn’t know why. I tried different medications and therapies. I had gone to my current church once with a friend and met Pastor Jim and his wife. A couple of weeks later I took a six-inch knife and plunged it into my stomach. They said it was a miracle I missed the vital organs. While I was recovering in a mental health unit Pastor Jim and his wife, Gail, came to see me. During that visit, I don’t know why but I just blurted out “I had an abortion” and cried. That’s the first time those words came out of my mouth in 30 years. Gail wrapped her arms around me and said, “God loves you, Jennifer.”
Fast forward to the present and Gail and I now volunteer at the same pregnancy center. I finished my recovery and began going to Pastor Jim and her church for Sunday services and became a member. I went through the Forgiven and Set Free Bible study and was able to forgive myself and accept God’s forgiveness. I thought after the awful thing I did God could never forgive me let alone love me. Needless to say, I am a completely different person.
My favorite verse is James 4:8: “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”
I want to thank you and Care-Net for everything you do.
Jennifer Colson
As a friend poignantly reminded me several years ago, we all have our sins.
To aid in your healing, repentance, and deeper appreciation of God’s holy love, please reflect on the following:
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
Psalms 103:9-12, NIV
“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD:
though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”
Isaiah 1:18 ESV
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus… Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:1,34-35,38-39