The… painted perversity of this room had the effect of making him aware, as he had never been aware before, of this room’s opposite. As the desert first teaches men to love water, or as absence reveals affection, there rose up against this background of the sour and the crooked some kind of vision of the sweet and sound.
The Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis
Often a friend of mine, in guiding his kids toward the good when there is a bad example right in front of them—someone doing the exact opposite of what he is trying to teach—will say, “There’s a good example of how not to be.”
It’s a great approach to learning. Using the distorted to show the beauty of the clear. We do this all the time. We go shopping for a ring for our spouse and learn what a good stone is by comparing it to those that are yellow or cloudy. Or, we go apartment shopping and land on our best choice only after visiting places we didn’t want to live (those that wreaked of smoke, weren’t in a safe neighborhood, etc.).
In the quote above, in the last book of his science-fiction trilogy, The Hideous Strength—a work with moments of horror noir like George Orwell’s 1984, C.S. Lewis makes use of this same idea: using the “sour and the crooked” to give a clearer picture of the “sweet and sound”. Even in the non-fiction of church history, it was the “sour and crooked” teachings of the heretic Marcion that God used as a catalyst to confirm the “sweet and sound” list of sacred Christian writings that led to a closed canon; that is, the completion of the holy Bible.
Some looking at the title above might say, “Of course there are dangers. Religion is dangerous. That is why it’s much better for kids to grow up in a non-observant household.” As Bill Maher has famously said, “Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.”[1] Given my story of “How I Became a Christian Despite the Church” (see here), I have a lot of sympathy for this view. In fact, as I mentioned here, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with the church for much of my life. Some would view me as still working through my stuff and that even doing seminars on the topic above is a form of therapy, which I’ll admit it is.
But it’s more than that. This is my journey and I agree with Rick Warren that God doesn’t waste pain. It’s the gift nobody wants. God often uses the “sour and crooked” to give laser focus to the “sweet and sound.” Even unjust suffering or abuse—intimate views of how things shouldn’t be—can bring greater clarity, empathy, and insight. As we look back at our lives, it’s often these experiences that shape and prepare us for callings and deeper ministry—all the good plans He has for us (Jer. 29:11). Most of us come to a place, or at least desire to come to a place, where like Carly Simon once said, we “haven’t got time for the pain”. We want to see God use even those ugly chapters in our lives redemptively. That’s me.
I’m fifty-three-years-old and this side of the grave I want to give all that will listen the lessons I’ve learned, as well as that cumulative wisdom from many others who’ve suffered in similar ways. Fathering well, detoxing from spiritual abuse, and the pursuit of healthy spirituality have been my passions, fields of study, and personal quests for almost forty years.
This year, I’m reading through Proverbs using the time-tested approach where you read the chapter that corresponds to the day of the month. My mom invited me to join her in this and here’s the method we’re using: We read the chapter first in something like the NRSV or ESV and then get a fresh take on it by reading it a second time in Eugene Peterson’s The Message. On January 9th, in light of my desire to speak and write more on the title above, I was encouraged by this:
Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it; tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it.
Prov. 9:9, The Message
What do you have that would profit others? In preparing
to share or getting up the courage to do so, don’t forget that as a rule: “People
don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” How can you show love
to those that would benefit from what you have to say?
[1] https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/bill_maher_629355