I’ve written about this more extensively here but the cultural stereotypes of dad as breadwinner or provider and mom as nurturer (think Leave it to Beaver) go back to 1760 and the Industrial Revolution, not 1950. Further, these rigid stereotypes are cultural, not biblical. As we pointed out here, even in the ancient Near East, the Proverbs 31 woman worked independently and outside the home providing for her family (Prov. 31:11a, 16, 24, 31b). Added to this, dads were nurturers, involved and daily connecting heart-to-heart with their children (Deut. 6:4–9).
Yes, it’s true that biologically, women on average are more nurturing than men, and men are on average 50% stronger physically than women. Physiology is and will continue to be a factor in how parenting roles play out. Nonetheless, we no longer live in an agrarian society where physical strength is the most important quality for getting work. Now proficiency with technology, diversity in the workplace, and emotional intelligence are in greater demand, opening up more opportunities for women than men.
Additionally, there are far fewer jobs with family-supporting wages. Survival that includes attention to family health and growth requires two incomes for most, or some creative juggling of several jobs. Many times, the lesser paying job carries crucial benefits like insurance. Here’s a little data and analysis from just the last sixty years:
- In the 1950s-1970s: Kristen Du Mez, in her provocative new book Jesus and John Wayne makes this astute observation about what was really at the heart of changes in employment opportunities for men and women during this time:
“The postwar years had been marked by economic gains that made it possible for many men to serve as sole breadwinners for their families. The global economic restructuring beginning in the 1970s, however, resulted in a decline of American manufacturing jobs and stagnation of male wages. The breadwinner economy had always been as much myth as reality, but in the 1970s, this aspirational idea was becoming increasingly difficult to attain, even among members of the white middle class. In 1950, 37 percent of women worked for pay, but that number began to rise significantly in the 1970s. Linked in part to women’s growing economic independence, rates of divorce began to increase dramatically in the 1970s as well. All of this amounted to a ‘crisis’ of the family, and for evangelicals gender and authority, not global economic patterns, were at the heart of the crisis.”[1]
- In 2009: 59% of women work or are actively seeking employment. An even higher percentage of women with children ages 17 or younger (66%) work either full or part time. Among those working mothers, most (74%) work full time while 26% work part time.[2]
- In 2014: Married fathers are responsible for about 65 percent of their households’ hours in the paid labor force (39 hours a week), while wives perform 35 percent (21 hours a week), according to the Pew Research Center. In fact, more than three quarters of married mothers do not wish to work full-time: 53 percent prefer part-time work and 23 percent prefer to be stay-at-home mothers. (This stands in marked contrast to married fathers: 75 percent of them think working full-time is ideal and an additional 13 percent prefer part-time work…) Sociologist Brad Wilcox weighs in on this contrast saying, “Here, I suspect that ordinary married mothers’ desire to invest time, affection, and supervision in their children’s lives outweighs their desire to lean in at work, at least while their children are young.”[3]
In view of the above, many moms and dads need to climb out of the repressive swamp of fundamentalism with renewed and more accurate biblical and historical perspective. Further, they need to stop longing for the past, feeling guilty if mom works, and instead enjoy once again working together to the glory of God. If raising children on only one income works for you then that’s great. My heart’s cry in this piece, however, is to bring clarity and freedom to many moms and dads who carry false guilt or have allowed themselves to be affected by the judgment of others.
[1] Kristen Kobes Du Mez, Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation (New York: Liveright, 2020), 82.
[2] Pew Research Center, http://pewsocialtrends.org/2009/10/01/the-harried-life-of-the-working-mother/ Oct. 1, 2009.
[3] “Surprisingly, Most Married Families Today Tilt Neo-Traditional” by W. Bradford Wilcox February 26, 2014.